The Power of Positive Thinking?

Screw you and your positive thoughts.

Barbara Ehrenreich was someone that I had not heard about before her interview with Jon Stewart on The Daily Show. I already like her. She is the author of Bright-sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America. When being interviewed, she talked (since it's that month or something) about how when she fought cancer everyone told her to "stay positive." She hated when people said that. It was, to her, a denial that frankly, the whole thing just sucked. She promotes the idea that realism, rather than mindless optimism, is the more appropriate approach and that all this "Power of Positive Thinking" is pretty much garbage.

I had an epiphany. Right then, right there, I had one. It wasn't about heavenly lights, or some form of metamorphosis. I thought back to (you're welcome, literature professors) Voltaire's character Candide, his mentor and the idea that "Everything Happens for the Best." You know what? There's no difference between Candide and Ehrenreich. Anyone who has read Candide knows that it's satire. That's the whole point. The over-optimistic fatalism that dominates the characters' thinking is brought to the utterly absurd for our enjoyment and edificiation.

So let's start with that premise and run with it. I've gone through a lot folks and I admit that I've been guilty of a great deal of mindless optimism in a vain attempt to explain away a lot of things. I've made a list of the things that I no longer have any desire to beat through the power of positive thinking.

My childhood sucked. The idea that I'm a "better person" and "more functional" because of it frankly is absolutely no consolation. The fact that I was in therapy about age twelve pretty much sums it up and the majority of the time ever since even more so. I've been told to accept my family. I've been told to stop resenting them (even worse, by them) in some randomly dreary theme of "forgive them their trespasses." Screw it.

My family's no prize either. Dad's a philanderer. Mom's delusional. My brother seems to be some sort of strange hybrid between the two. They behave badly, live in a lifestyle that I wouldn't wish on a laboratory animal and annoy the hell out of me. I'm the black sheep but remain medical proxy so I can make decisions about their life and death. Does that sound right? No, it doesn't. The biological members of my family just generally are awful people. So screw it, it sucks.

Being single at 38 sucks. At my age, I'm surrounded by nothing but couples. Self-sufficient couples. Couples who frankly, rarely have the time and mostly don't make the effort to bother to reach out in a consistent way to their shamefully spinster-like friends. That is, of course, until they need advice or break up with their significant others. Then single people all of a sudden take on this wonderful existence. I want to go put on a set of blue wool stockings and run screaming around the widow's walk. It sucks to do everything yourself. It sucks that your closest support network is 3 cats (one away from cat lady as I tell people) and though they do manage to fill the bed without stealing covers, it's not just the same. "It's so much simpler to be single," couples say. "You'll meet that wonderful person someday." Screw you and screw him. He's at least one decade late in comparison to just about everyone I know.

Being gay sucks. All along, I've put this positive spin on it. "It allows me to have a deeper understanding of women, or gender, or culture or roles" I'd say. I happily stick my neck out as an openly gay man so that the closet cases don't rule the world. It makes me a good role model for young gay men, I would reassure myself. I'm doing my part for the community. The fact that I've lost jobs, been treated like crap, had I don't know how many people assume the worst of me without even knowing anything but that about me and even had a petition passed around about me at my undergraduate institution is not in any way compensated by positive thinking. And you know what? If you say you're gay, you're pretty much announcing your sex life. That's what will be said of you. The fact that gay can be a cultural identity as well as a series of sexual proclivities and positions is irrelevant. I find this particularly irritating because "and guest" is almost always their spouse for the people who complain the most. Don't even get me started on the marriage bit. And frankly, what has the gay community done for me lately? Are they paying my bills between jobs? Are they running to keep me company (see above)? Are they helping me feel better about myself through emotional support? Nope. Generally, they make me feel worse, the shallow, stupid, hedonistic bastards. Being gay isn't a gift or a curse. It just sucks.

Being unemployed sucks. Even more it sucks because most of the time my unemployment has absolutely nothing to do with my actual job performance. Did I get low evaluations? No. Did I often do more than was actually expected? Yes. Did I sometimes get screwed over because I did more than was expected? Yes. It's amazing to me that I can get 6 years of incredible annual evaluations and not get tenure. It sucks that one or two crazy, evil, ugly, soulless, self-righteous people can sabotage my career by literally making things up on the spot, illegally documenting my mental health and sometimes even implying sexual harassment. I won't even go to the bathroom when one of my students or colleagues is in there in fear of making them uncomfortable. Even more it sucks when people imply you're misogynistic because you're gay. Do heterosexuals assume that all women hate other women or that all men hate other men because of lack of sexual interest? No. I'm switching fields (and desperately trying to put a positive spin on it) to get away from the illusion that academia is about truth, freedom of expression and acceptance. It's not.

Being mentally ill isn't all that much fun either. It just sucks. Hooray for being sympathetic, empathetic and compassionate towards other people from my experiences. Taking medications every day, having people tell you "it's all in your head," (Yes, that's why it's called brain chemistry, you moron), or "it's because you're gay," or even the compliments about how "strong you've been to get through all of this," really just sucks. Do I get a certificate for suffering so nobly? Do I get a cookie for through force of will continuing through my life? No. I generally get screwed. Waiting and knowing that eventually, the medications are going to probably lose their efficacy and you'll hit the side-effect merry-go-round again is not a pleasant thought. Having people judge you for it sucks. Paying huge amounts of money to have people tell you you're mentally ill and just as much to maintain your health insurance so you can afford your medications and therapy sucks.

That's just the list of things I feel like explaining in detail. Body images suck. Being overweight in a culture dominated by the cult of thinness sucks. Paying school taxes and then having to re-educate the stupid bastards when they end up in your classes sucks. Going to school forever to be paid nearly nothing sucks. Moving around all the time sucks. Vet bills suck and so does prescription food that costs more than caviar. The fact that you can be unemployed yet still not eligible for food stamps because your income is too high sucks. Being an artist that's been terrorized by just about every other artist sucks. Not having a music group to play with sucks because playing music by yourself, like many other things, gets really rather boring. This list could go on endlessly, but that too, sucks.

So screw you and your positive thinking.