Lessons I learned from Reality TV

As an educated viewing public, I think we're all aware that most of "Reality" TV is indeed anything but. However, I always wonder if it's distorting our world view into thinking that people are either more or less nuts than "As Seen on TV." So I compiled this list of "lessons" for both viewers and participants in an attempt to understand the appeal.
Less start with the participants. I most cases, I'm really rather surprised that people would fall for/sign up for these shows. The dating ones are certainly the worst. You're signing up to "fall in love," which generally amounts to a round of antibiotics and if you're lucky, your own revenge-taking dating show next season. Now, I could be just grumpy because they're usually focused on heterosexuals, but the appeal of fighting 20 other people for the right to be dumped on national TV seems a bit hollow.

Even if they're okay with the outcome, there seems to be some disconnect with the idea that they're on TV and therefore pawns to editors and producers. "They're not as serious as I am," is a common complaint as is "they're here for the wrong reason." Is there any right reason to compete to be dumped by a man wearing a clock around his neck?

Personality. The ones that later say "I was edited to look that way," seem to deny any responsibility for their own actions. Now, the producers are in some cases responsible for perception, but only in the sense that they played with chronology. Let's be honest. They're not adding any dialogue or CGI effects. That's way over budget. You really did say/do that. You just didn't think it was going to be put in a different context or you forgot you were on camera. When you put yourself out there, in whatever way, you need to expect that. You look vapid, or sleazy, or bitchy, or conniving or stupid (did I forget any dwarves) because that's the behavior you put out there. I know when I open my mouth that I'm going to be held responsible. I don't need a camera to tell me that.

Wardrobe. Can you believe what these people wear? What were they thinking? It boggles the mind to see what contests/shills/participants will wear on these shows. Spandex House makes a killing on these people, except they seem to forget their undergarments. This is a lost marketing opportunity. "Appropriate undergarments for our skanks provided by . . . " But for either gender, it's more of a costume department than a wardrobe.

Body image. First we have the shows where everyone is straight out of a magazine ad for beautiful people. "That's not realistic!" So then, we get a collection of "more realistic" shows with dwarves, overweight people, older people, cougars, widowers and whatever other group seems to hit the scene. The fact they're walking stereotypes as well is beside the point.

Now you may be thinking, "Well, that's just the dating shows." Did you see the premise for the last season of Big Brother? They matched them up based on social group. America's Next Top Model now has "petite" (short) models competing with Tyra's self-absorption. What about the carefully demographic selection on the competition shows? Or whatever passes for Real World these days (I admit, I stopped watching it long ago when casting gay people was no longer novel).

Those are the participants. But what do we get out of these shows? Should we learn based on common sense or based on the system established by the premise of the show? Now, were I Foucault, I would focus on the latter as a more postmodern approach. I'm not Foucault, but I think taking these elements on their own merits is hysterical so I'm going to run with it.

Bad partners can be "fixed." Tool Academy is based on the idea that if you put a revolting excuse for a boyfriend into a 10 week lesson plan, they'll learn to be better. Now, I'm bitter. I admit it. Just about every person I've ever dated is probably a candidate for that show. Once they get their 10 merit badges, they're ready to go. The connection between winning a competition where you wade in a pool-sized petri dish filled with "food products" while wrestling with wombats and being a better person is a real stretch for me.

It's part of the game. I'm unsure about this one, honestly. Say we take the typical behavior of an Amazing Race, Big Brother or Survivor participant. They lie, cheat, steal, trip, gouge, insult, undermine, plot, starve and otherwise destroy anything on their way to "the prize." We also get treated to the gloating confessional sequences where they not only admit they're jerks, but gloat in their successes. Is anyone else finding this a little revolting? Please check your humanity on the way to the set. I can appreciate the competitiveness, but the lack of humanity tends to bother me.

Everything's fine after the reunion show. Bravo's got this one beat. They play out the reunions longer than the series. That way, each participant gets the opportunity to see how hypocritical everyone else was. "No hard feelings." Yeah right. Don't tell me you wouldn't trip them into a pool of hot lava if you could get away with it.

They're really in danger on the survival shows. I'm a Celebrity, Get me out of here! blew that one out of the water when their specially-trained-snake-ninjas intervened. Medical teams, cameras, producers, crew and and makeup artists of course provide no real guarantee of safety, right? Survivor this season has already side-lined at least two people for medical reasons. If they allow their participants to die, it's a snuff film. (A snuff film is a film usually documenting the death/murder of a participant). Snuff films are illegal, and so is their distribution. A "hold harmless" clause doesn't excuse producers from criminal behavior.

It's all entertainment, right? Which of course it is, but it doesn't mean I can poke fun at the "reality" it evokes. I admit I enjoy watching the shows because the depths of human stupidity endlessly amuse me. It's not even a recent invention, since Candid Camera has been around since 1948. I know I'm not even pointing out anything new (though probably with some additional twist). But I have to admit, it's not the first-season participants I worry about. It's the ones who come after.